Blog Post

This is my very first post... testing 1.. 2.. 3..

I'm now in Hong Kong hanging out with Jessica, trying to get all the bits and pieces ready for my trip (only small things like booking my flights from Hong Kong.. eek).

Jessica has organised a surprise trip for the next few days to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Osaka to try and catch the http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sakura (or cherry blossom), should be loads of fun.

I kept an open mind - I enjoyed reading your responses... then you fucked up:

"i think this is a good rule. people like george bush prob wouldnt have
got elected if this system had been in place in the US."

BZZZZZZZTT

That cunt was elected and re-elected (I have no doubt he'll change the
rules so he can be re-re-elected) before a single vote was cast.

You seem to stand on a pillar of "You should choose your
representatives more wisely"... Between the baby-boomers, pro-homo and
family first fucktards who infest my neighbourhood, what good is my
solitary vote? Maybe in your electorate of bumfuckin'nowhere you can
make a difference? I doubt it.

This conversation would be much more entertaining over a jug of
Coopers (read: if we get pissed enough we'll forget about all this
bullshit).

In the meantime, I'll hang my head in shame that it was "My fault" my
vote didn't sway the balance toward some uber-cool independent who
would decriminalise drugs, provide free telecommunications, and offer
a size 6, 16 year old nymph to lovingly fondle my balls as I drift off
to sleep. Alas, in the real world, it's a toss up between a douche and
a turd sandwich. And in that situation, since the wind is blowing
S/SE, I might bet on..... douche? (reasoning: It'll be less messy when
he decides to fuck me).

mm

Offtopic - but related:

Activision released a statement earlier in the week saying the OFLC
have just granted Soldier Of Fortune: Payback an MA15+ rating. What
this boils down to is in order to meet the requirements, the ragdoll
physics and blood levels have been toned down, and there will be no
dismemberment. This pissed me off. It pissed me off more than the
Manhunt ban pissed me off, not because I wanted the game (it is a pile
of poo), but because these fuckwits still assume the average gamer age
to be <12.

It has been happening since I was in high school, but the government
is beginning to really take a turn for the worst. Australia has become
a nanny state... If you disagree then you're not informed.

From how many pets we can have in our houses, to what games we can
play, to what porn we can watch and soon; even what websites we can
visit, the government nowadays is just restricting and regulating in
all sorts of crazy ways. If you ask me it's to ensure their
overzealous religious beliefs are enforced.

Unfortunately the Labor Party is even worse than the the current
Liberal Government. They have stated that they have no interest in
creating an adults only classification for games and want to mandate
ISP level filters for everyone in Australia. We've become one of the
most repressed Western nations in the world (the US takes this crown)
and unfortunately, due to the fact we have no real rights in our
constitution, nobody can do anything about it.

This is supposed to be a democracy yet the government never seems to
listen to what the Australian people want. They seem to be hell bent
on enforcing their Christian ideology on this secular state and so far
it's working for them. Overall Australia maybe a nice place to live
but in all honesty I'd much rather live in Canada or somewhere else
wherein the government actually gives people choice.

It's not just about banning video games; the government tells
P-platers what cars they can drive, what time they can drive, and how
many people they can have in the car. They tell you what you can do
with water YOU pay for and if you don't comply you get fined. They
even contradict the whole concept of democracy by FORCING all
Australians over 18 to vote and again, if you don't comply they fine
you. I would have thought that compulsory voting would be incompatible
with a democratic constitution but hey, you can always rely on the
Australian government to violate and disregard the rights of the
people.

Admittedly movies, books and music don't face the same tough
restriction games do, the fact remains that every form of media except
music is regulated by the government. Music is the one thing in which
cannot be regulated by law but even so pressure by the government has
made sure that the music industry undertakes self censorship. The
government even requires you to have a license to own a paintball gun
for fucks sake! Where does the regulation stop?

Regulation to this extent is not normal. It's an early warning sign of
a soon to be fascist dictatorship. We can't even pretend to be a free
country. Combine the lack of a bill of rights with the increasing
popularity of religion and Australia is what you get.

Regardless of what the Australian people say the government still
moves ahead with what ever it likes. Lets take the Workplace Reforms
as an example; the majority of people DO NOT WANT THEM IN PLACE! Yet
of course little Johnny Howard doesn't give a fuck, he'd rather remove
more rights of the people. He's a total disgrace to the Liberal party.
Liberal is supposed to mean open minded and well....LIBERAL! Howard is
just a conservative, pretentious prick. He shouldn't be allowed to
lead the Liberal party and be openly conservative at the same time.
Not to mention the fact that religion and state need to be kept
separate but we lack the laws in this country to enforce that.

Bah... this country has gone down the crapper. Who wants to move with
me to Canada, New Zealand or the UK?*

*Or any other country that allows dart bars.

mm

Hey all,

Been getting some serious playtime in with COD4... It is the
schnizzle. Takes a bit of time to gain enough XP to unlock the beasty
weapons and learn all the maps, but once you've crossed that bridge
(about 24hrs of online play) she's all peachy!

There is a definite community building up between all the [AUS]
players - and last night there were some epic battles held between us
and the yanks.

There should be a rule that unless your balls have dropped, voice chat
should be disabled. I got into trouble again last night after telling
some pre-pubescent n00b to "STFU" as he was crapping on during the
entire match:

"Oh I just switched weapons"
"Oh you killed me"
"Oh I'm so gonna knife... no you killed me again"
"Oh the sniper rifle is teh awesome!1!!1"

He was obviously communicating with a microphone (as opposed to a
headset where voice chat is not sent to the speakers) because his dad
(or guardian of some description) starts telling me (not me in person,
but everyone on our team as it is not very obvious who is talking
unless you know where to look), that that kind of talk is unacceptable
with children in the room.

As the average age of the players present was >25, this was countered
by a LOT of "FUCK YOU CUNT"'s from the more eloquent Americans, as
well as a nicely timed "What kind of dad are you letting your kid play
an MA rated game when his 'nads clearly haven't dropped - for shame!"
from myself... Queue raucous laughter and more acidic comments.

It's taken some time to get used to the sixaxis, but once you're
comfortable setting the sensitivity in the high end of the band (i.e.
zen master thumb movements), even twitch shooting becomes doable.

If you have the means (Andy)... I highly recommend picking yourself up
a copy and writing off the next few weeks at work.

I got Assassins Creed yesterday and The Simpsons Game a couple of days
ago. I don't see why Assassins Creed has been panned by so many
reviewers. In the 3-4 hours I've given it I have thoroughly enjoyed
exploring the world and dispatching my foes. It is a beautiful game.
The controls take some getting used to, but are necessary when you
need to be able to evade your trackers in 3 dimensions (climbing is
key).

Simpsons Game on the other hand is only good because it is a Simpsons
Game... Playability and graphics are pretty shite, but the storyline
is funny and the humor a lot more adult oriented than you'd find on
TV. Hearing the morbid Voiceover Guy in the Springfield Space Museum
moan "Hey, who do I have to shag to get a coffee around here" made me
laugh, after he had been bitching about sitting in his little
recording box all day.

Long story short, If you have a PS3... Buy COD4. If you don't have a
PS3, buy one, and then buy COD4. Oh, and even if you THINK the 6800 in
your PC will run it... good luck... 7800GTX, SLI maybe - your call).

Is it home time yet?

mm

Are vagina's like the shell of a hermit crab? I swear last week she
was host to an Octopussoir!

Lalala Labia Baby
you got something for me
in your wizard sleeve
lalalala labia baby
you got something for me
sucha sweet beauty
coochy coochy gitchy gitchy
yeah yeah yeah
gotta snatch ya gonna catch ya
yatcha yeah yeah yeah
gincha ninja bearded clam
furry burger smiley sam
lalala labia baby
you got something for me
oh yes sirree
fluffy muffy
stuffy iffy
yeah yeah yeah
beaver weaver
yeah yeah yeah
honey pot
giggy pie take it to the Y thing
lalala labia baby
you got something for me
in your wizard sleeve

Don't get me started on this tat - you're entering a world of pain! A
world in which I am the master and you are the gimp, locked away in
your box, choking on a rubber ball and wishing the pain in your arse
would disappear.

Yes, keyboard/mouse offers more precise control - hands down - no
contest. But once you master the intricacies of playing FPS with
analogue sticks you will find it opens up greater control
possibilities for other game modes.

More and more FPS's are branching out into much more than
'run-and'gun' style fragfests. As soon as you get a vehicle or
aircraft made available to you, then the keyboard/mouse combo goes to
shit. Using Warhawk as an example, depending on your style of play you
will spend about half your time airborne in dogfights or hooning
around in land based vehicles. The level of control the analogue
sticks give you is unparalleled (alright, a joystick/yoke might be
better, but if we are splurging on 3rd party confrollers here I can go
buy a PS3 mouse controller thing and make the argument moot).

It goes without saying, setting the stick sensitivity to 'bullshit'
will help, but you need to condition your thumbs - It takes a LOT of
playtime before you get it together, but in the end I suppose your
proficiency will be 80-90% of that with keyboard/mouse.

Another point to consider is you'd need a pretty beefy PC to play
these games at PS3 res. Plus you're into it and murdering your mates
30 seconds after flipping the 'on' switch. I think the convenience
more than makes up for the inferior control method.

Don't get me wrong, Unreal Tournament 3 for PS3 has native
keyboard/mouse support, and I'll be putting my G7 to good use. But on
the flipside, you should give these games a crack using the
controllers. Everyone has the same handicap (no bullshit laser mice
with on-the-fly 3000dpi switches to make headshots a breeze) and It
really is fun!

I'll never get the amount of headshots with the sixaxis I'd normally
get with a mouse - But I'll be drilling craters in your skull from the
other side of the map every time you move! - And in the end, isn't
that what matters ;)

Picked up COD4 yesterday for the PS3

Played until the early hours of this morning - It is tops! I'm about
halfway through... nukes have been detonated, terrorist leaders
interrogated, informants executed - It is a reborn Tom Clancy novel.

I had a COD for the PS2 (can't remember which one) and fucking hated
it - The framerate was epilepsy inducing, it was a scripted corridor
shooter which forced you down a specific path (normally a trench) and
aiming on the fly was an exercise in futility... Yes I know that if
you fire a fully automatic the muzzle will kick up, but using the
dualshock sticks to get the sights back on your foe after you were
shooting the clouds was a PITA!

Anyway, it is still a scripted shooter, but now the environments are
very large, very spread out and very, very awesome to look at.

Multiplayer will no doubt be better after I get better and stop having
my ass handed to me every time i respawn (godlike warhawk skills do
not apply here).

All in all, a purchase more than worthy of the list price... And if
anyone is counting, why the fuck are we still getting pinged $119.95
for these things when the yanks get them for $59.95 and our dollar is
so strong - 'Tis the fucked I tells ya!

Will be importing games from now on - get them faster, get them
cheaper, fuck the man!

mm

I know a girl who broke up with a guy and she told him she wanted to "still be friends." He said, "No thanks." She wondered why he couldn't fall back to being just friends after they had a romantic relationship. I came up with the "McDonalds Analogy" to try and explain it in a simple way that would help all women understand this tough question.

Imagine if you went to McDonalds a lot and ordered a Large Big Mac meal. A Big Mac, Large Fries and a Coke. You really like this meal. One day, you pull up to the drivethrough and order your Big Mac meal and the girl tells you, "I'm sorry - you can have the Big Mac and the Coke, but you can't get fries with that anymore." You think about this for a moment, and sure - the Big Mac is the centerpiece of the meal, but McDonalds has some really good fries and you like their fries with your meal. So you say, "I've been able to get fries with that before, why can't I have fries with my Big Mac meal anymore?" The girls says, "Well, I just think it is better if you only have the Big Mac and the Coke from here on out."

At this point, a lot of guys are going to go to KFC or Hungry Jacks to see if they can get fries with their combo at that drivethrough window. But there are some guys who REALLY like McDonalds Big Macs and they might think, "If I keep coming here and ordering the Big Mac and Coke, maybe she'll change her mind and give me some fries with that later." So they will keep on getting the combo without the fries until the deal breaker happens: One day that guy is going to order the Big Mac and Coke and then he's going to pull up a little bit to pay, and someone else is going to pull up to the drivethrough speaker and order the "Big Mac meal" and he is going to hear the girl say, "Would you like fries with that?"

That's why guys don't like to be friends with a girl who breaks up with them.

Hurro,
Beer o'clock isn't scheduled for half an hour and I've got to get this off my chest!

Downloaded the Gran Turismo Prologue Demo from the JAP Playstation Store on Monday (yes, a demo of a demo). It only has one track (like the GT 2.0 demo), but it is Suzuka so at least I know it off by heart and can put the hammer down!

From the get-go it is a rolling advertisement for the new Skyline (I prefer evo's and wrx's) - The opening movie focuses on it and the Audi R8, as well as a splash of Ferrari 544? As soon as the game loads you are 'rewarded' with the Nissan beast (a particularly aliased model at that).

From there it is a highly polished front end (in Japanese obviously, but if you've spent cumulative months of your life playing previous iterations it won't be a problem). I've had a bash in all the cars and they are adding them weekly from now until Nov 11th (this weekend = wrx sti).

Sixaxis controls are lots more twitchy than previous GT's. You really have to be gentle to muscle your beast around the track. There's always been a learning curve from one GT to the next so this is to be expected. A week of racing and all gold licenses will make it second nature.

The real point of this review was to enlighten you re: the G25 wheel support. In short, fucking amazing! Reports vary online as to the clutch function - I can't get it to register, but I can't read japanese to set it up. There are videos online with people depressing the clutch and having the revometer go ballistic, and polyphony have stated it will be in the final release so I'm not too worried.

The in-car views are amazing! absolutely amazing! the sense of speed and control you get off the main straight, slamming the 6 speed gearbox from 5th (revving balls) to second (chicane), blipping the gas, tapping the brake, gas, third and away is out of control!

I highly recommend anyone (andy :) ) who has the means to create a JAP PSN account and downloading this puppy. It will not see an AU or US release and the retail version is slated for xmas.

Anyone who wants to feel the need for speed, come around! (Tim, is projectorville still in operation - this thing would go off in lifesize glory!)

*Andy, my PSN nic is 'mikkachops' - Add me you bastard! I need to smash you!

mm

Something Awful reviews the world's worst Halloween costumes - Something Awful

"Zack: It's so horrible it makes me want to buy fifty of them and then get groups of people to stand in darkened alleyways downtown. Like you walk past the alley and you see five of these guys standing around a burning oil drum. You'll keep walking, but you'll never forget what you saw.

Dr. Thorpe: It would be like that part in The Shining where the guy in the dog costume is going down on the old man. There's nothing objectively scary about it, but it's just fucked up enough that it chills your blood.

Zack: Yeah, it is EXACTLY like that. Like you just caught a glimpse of something terrible, but you're not exactly sure why it's so terrible. Some horrible other reality that you had never noticed, but one night walking alone in downtown Chicago you saw them. You saw five sneering hair bananas standing around a burning oil drum."